07 February 2012

Step 6: Spend More Time With The People You Love

A full list of the Simple Living Challenge steps can be found here. 

As the Simple Living Challenge progresses we are trying to point out to each other the utterly important things in life, such as relationships, spiritual growth, true happiness, uncluttered lifestyle. These are all hard to achieve without a deliberate effort because in our busy, fast-paced modern life we are constantly bombarded with messages that this kind of inner piece is not enough.

But sometimes we need to counteract even if the whole world tells us we shouldn't. The mere fact that you are here, reading about simplifying proves that you have some faith in your gut feeling.

The modern world was not engineered for you to spend time with your family. In fact, only a few are blessed with the opportunity of spending more than 4 hours a day with their loved ones. And yet, we need that closeness. Human touch is what keeps us sane, so don't give up, go through your schedule and think of how to free up time to be with your family.

Julia of Candid Moments has a story worth taking into account when you are looking for a way to free up time for the people you love. I love the transformation she and her family went through by a single act of refusing - refusing to waste time.

Julia is a quiet person who doesn't like talking about herself. She is more of a listener than a talker. Drop by her blog to see her photographs of the world as she sees it and you will learn everything about her. Read between the lines of her carefully chosen words and you will become her friend.



In 1989 I got rid of my TV. I was a single mother with four children and was tired of what they were being exposed to on TV (At least that was my initial reason). It was difficult at first. There was all this empty time to fill. Do you know what I am talking about? Like when you break up with someone and there is all this extra time available that the relationship used to occupy. That was the first thing I noticed, all the extra time.

Then there was the realization that because of all the time in front of the TV we didn’t really know how to relate to each other in longer more meaningful conversations. The focused, undivided attention had been with the TV rather than each other. This was shocking because I thought we were a close family and I guess compared to most Americans, we were.

The value of spending time with the people you love
But it has been over time that I have seen the REAL value of getting rid of the TV. We began to gather in the kitchen to prepare meals together. We spent longer time at the dinner table sharing our day, or challenges, or expressing our feelings. We began to get up early on the weekends and go for hikes or take up sports, or garden. We started reading veraciously. Throughout this process we all started to know each other and ourselves better. We had more confidence in our decisions and ourselves.

Spending more time outside we started noticing and taking interest in conservation. We joined community projects to pick up trash, reforest through planting days with local groups, join local ecology programs that both educated and inspired. We became a part of a community of people who were committed to a healthy environment.

Looking back, dumping the TV was the BEST decision of my life
My children are grown and on their own now. The all attended university and has either found careers in fields of social and environmental responsibility or are passionately involved in their local communities to go green. They all live simply. They all are passionate about living green, eating organic, and living by example. They are all teaching their children to live the same way and the importance of consuming consciously by supporting local farmers, artisans, and businesses.

Photo: Liz West


Over-consumption and greed are learned
I am still without TV. I typically read a book a week. I write letters to government officials, protest, participate in beach clean up, volunteer in education programs to increase awareness and facilitate in writers groups to assist women to connect with their essence. I believe it is loss of this connection with self that breeds a consumer society and the need to be validated outside ones self. If we are grounded in our unique contribution and live out of our own authentic expression, by and large we will not over consume. Over-consumption and greed are learned.

We are being bombarded from every direction and angle. It has created a needy
and insecure world based on lack and need for more. This plan has benefited huge corporations and the individuals who are at their heads. The advertising industry is paid BILLIONS by companies to keep us insecure, wanting and uninformed.

I challenge you to turn off your TV
Better yet… Kick it to the curb. Spend some quality time with yourself and your loved ones. Take a hike or find a way to volunteer that feeds your soul. Take up a hobby, learn a craft, stretch and grow yourself so that you don’t rely on others to validate your worth. That is the key to stopping the insanity of consumerism. 

That is the key really, to finding joy.

You can do this! 
What do you say? Can you try and at least turn your TV today? I am sure there is that program you were expecting and you can start tomorrow but really, start today. Today is the only moment to make a change.

Share your experience: Tell us how you spent the evening. Did you have awkward silence and unhappy kids? Did you think of interesting activities to make up for the time in front of the TV? How did you like it?

See also:
Step 1: Embrace Your Imperfections
Step 2: Simple Living as Men's Trait
Step 3: The Rules of Simple Home Organization
Step 4: Simple Crafting for Happy People 
Step 5: Simple Scheduling and Planning Routines
Step 7: Spend More Time Alone
Step 8: Connect to Your Inner Self 
Step 9: How to De-Stress
Step 10: Learn to Live With Less and Enjoy it
Step 11: Start a Debt-Free Life
Step 12: How to Overcome Consumerism  
Step 13: Declutter Your Life  
Step 14: Get Rid of Toxic Cosmetics and Reclaim Your Natural Self  
Step 15: Wean Off Plastic  
Step 16: Celebrate Your Story  
The Final Step: Gratitude 

Make sure you stay up to date with the Simple Living Challenge and subscribe by email to receive each post straight to our Inbox or by RSS if you are using a Reader. 

51 comments:

  1. Although I do have a TV, I watch it less and less. Both of my grown daughters have chosen not to have TV in their homes. I used to start each day by watching the news and then wondering why I was in a bad mood all day. I prefer to start my day now free of the bombardment of negativity. I choose to start my day being thankful for a new day.
    Laura

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    1. Hi Laura,
      I love the insight about the news! I know exactly what you mean! I won't even check it online any more. I read the Sunday Times and the Economist once a week and then go outside to rid myself of the information overload. I love that your daughters have chosen not to have TV...that is awesome!
      Gratitude is a wonderful way to start the day...thanks for the reminder...because...most days for me start with a list of things to do...have a great day...and thanks for your comment.

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    2. I was just going through Thoreau's Walden and got to a point worth quoting:
      "And I am sure that I never read any memorable news in a newspaper. If we read of one man robbed, or murdered, or killed by accident, or one house burned, or one vessel wrecked, or one steamboat blown up, or one cow run over on the Western Railroad, or one mad dog killed, or one lot of grasshoppers in the winter -- we never need read of another. One is enough. If you are acquainted with the principle, what do you care for a myriad instances and applications? To a philosopher all news, as it is called, is gossip, and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea."

      I spent my days two years ago, going through the news, keeping myself informed and opinionated. The result? Total blackout. I wouldn't go back to a lifestyle like this. While we do need to know what's going on the world, we shouldn't over-indulge, just as you ladies say.

      Thanks for your comments.

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    3. Thank you for this Sonya, I don't watch or read the news because it helps me live my style of a simplified lifestyle! I like being un informed in that area and more informed in the areas that support my ideas, dreams and goals.

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    4. I had to respond to this because I totally agree. I decided years ago that once the news started broadcasting all of the amazing and uplifting things that people do everyday, only then would I start watching again. I think I have a long wait ahead of me, not because people aren't busy changing the world, but because it isn't yet what most of us tune in to see. But I have hope... :)

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    5. Oh Sonya...quoting Thoreau's Walden...if there were one book I would like to memorize...it is that one. What you quoted is SOO true! I love the last line..."and they who edit and read (the news) are old women over their tea." That just makes me laugh...
      I do have to say...I have LOVED this lively discussion today. It brings up so many interesting opinions and ideas. Don't you just love how women approach things? All these different angles, and options. I a with Melinda...I am waiting for the time when news reports positive, uplifting and amazing that people do every day...now that would be worth tuning back into the media!

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  2. How wonderful that Julia was brave enough to do this with young children, and so smart that she recognized what television was doing to her family!
    I gave away my television set 2 years ago and have not missed it since. There’s a freedom of not being tethered to an inanimate object. I don’t have to rush home because I’m “missing” a favorite program. Instead, I was missing out on people before. I find that I really listen now. Instead of light chitchat, I have great conversations with friends. They’ve noticed that, and appreciate our conversations.
    I love to read non-fiction, from history to personal memoirs. These have taken place over sitcoms and tv mini-movies. I also sew, bike in good weather, and go to the gym.
    I would like to use Julia’s example of working with the community for ecological improvement. I will be on the lookout for projects going on, not only in my community but in the surrounding area.

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    1. It is so great to know other people are on the same wave link! I have to admit here in the US...I am the odd one out! I love reading about what you do now since you ditched the 'tube'...can you see me smiling from ear to ear? I would love to hear about what projects you get involved with...it inspires me and give me a new energy to know what other people are doing to imporve our ecological future and communities!
      Thanks for the comment!
      Julia

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    2. Yes, Julia is so right! The excitement coming from other people, sharing their similar stories or their take on the same problem is immense!

      Although we do have a TV at home, we rarely let it define our days. No TV during daytime and just an hour or two on some evenings.

      I do feel intrigued by Julia's amazing post and willing to absolutely leave TV out of my life. Thanks for the inspiration, ladies!

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  3. I loved this post! :) I definitely feel that tv is often a complete and utter waste of time (even though I think I'm in the minority on this one!). We do have a tv but use it as another extension of family time. I know that sounds like an excuse, but really, it's not! :) Since we homeschool we have the time to spend together each and every day ~ the walking, the talking, the reading, the creating, the very long lesiurely after-dinner talks. Several nights a week we watch shows together, mostly comedies, and enjoy it immensely. The tv never comes on during the day, even though we're home all the time. However, if the girls were in public school I think we would have gone the same tv-less route years ago. I think it was an ingenious idea kicking the television, it sounds like it created a close-knit family that enjoys each others' company. Perfect. :)

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    1. Hi Melinda,
      I love reading you home school you children! One of my daughters is doing that and I am envious! I wish that were an option when I was parenting. What they are learning is such an improvement from what is offered in the public schools. I applaude you and your commitment to a deeper education!
      Thanks for your comment!
      Julia

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    2. I have to join Julia here and say that I too loved reading about the way you homeschool your lovely girls. Indeed if a family is spending their days together and if TV is used as a sensible source of inspiration, it sure feels right!

      But I cannot begin to imagine what the relationships are in a family that spends their time together mostly in front of the TV or the computer.

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  4. Great post! We got rid of our Tv years ago before my teenage boys got into computers and game stations. We do have a TV for watching films over a weekend, Frinight film night and occassionally a sunday mateniee. I never miss the screen at all, although teenagers use them now ALOT but I believe they are old enough to start making their own choices and give them time.
    As for spending more time with the ones you love, this is so hard for us, I live in rural Devon where there is little work, Mr PB works away in the week and my family live in another county, I miss them all terribly,but cherish the time we do have together!

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    1. Hi Charlotte!
      Glad to hear another family has ditched the TV programing habit. I have visited Devon...and I know it is hard as there is a lot of down time. I have to admit though...getting outside with the camera there brought a whole new experience to me...between all the moods, beauty and history the landscape provide...I noticed I was compelled to want to write while there. It really is magic in so many ways.
      As far as the teens and game stations...that is a whole other post...and since I am a sociologist...could fill a book on the effects of 'gaming' and teens.
      Thanks for your comments!
      Julia

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  5. Loved this story! My family does have a TV, and we do look forward to watching our favorite TV shows in the evenings, but we still spend time together as a family. I read, write, take photos, go on walks, hang out with my friends, talk to my family, listen to music and keep up a blog; I don't spend my life watching TV or playing video games.

    I think that it's great how you were able to get rid of your TV and grow closer as a family - thank you for writing this guest post, Julia! :D

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    1. Wow Taylor...how do you get ALL you do done AND are able to watch TV? I would be distracted...I guess I am not so good at multi tasking... : )
      You are one of those rare people who can find balance while juggling a busy life. I am envious!
      Thank you for your kind words with regards to my post...my family, the environment and social justice are my passions...and there never seems to be enough time to contribute to any of those 'loves' in the way I would like.
      Julia

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    2. Julia, it's no wonder Taylor manages so well with a mother like Melinda :) Just think of the organization at their homeschooling home! Also, they have the whole day to spend with each other :)

      You are both rare people and I love that I met you through this awesome blogging experience!

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    3. Julia: Haha, well, when I'm living it, it doesn't seem so crazy...I guess mostly because I tackle my hobbies as I feel like them and don't try to force them all into one day. :) And you're very welcome, I really liked reading your story! :D

      Sonya: Aw, thank you! <3 Hugs!

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  6. Aaaaah, this is my Achilles Heel! I love TV. I watch it a fair amount when I'm home working because I don't like to sit around in silence all day.

    That being said, we only have one TV (even though there are plugs in both bedrooms, too), which is nice because when we do watch it in the evenings, it's something we do together. It's nice to snuggle up and watch Top Chef. But you're probably right that we could do it less.

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    1. Hi Paige,
      Aaaah...the ole Achillies Heel...we all have them...I actually have two! : ) One being Pinterest online...always looking for creative ideas...but I have so many boards that if I were to start today and do something creative EVERYDAY for the rest of my life...I would never got all the projects and ideas executed in my lifetime...the other being...cooking magazines and cook books...I can look through them for HOURS...but I only try one or two new recipes a weeks...maybe I need to start including them in my blog! That way I will be forced to stop looking and start DOING more! Thanks for the note...I now have a new creative idea...I have no idea how to photograph food! As for you...if you want to kick the TV 'habit'...take baby steps...maybe turn it off just one night a week...if you have something that you are passionate about you could schedule a date with your passion instead! Go Wild!
      Thanks for the note!
      Julia

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    2. Ahhh, don't start with the Achilles Heels ladies, because it may turn out I have at least three haha!

      Turning the TV off once a week is a great way to start indeed. Then you suddenly have this pocket of time you thought you didn't have available!

      Julia, the cookbooks and magazines, are a major time consumer in my household. What is it about them that we women love so much? Can't we go with 20 - 30 recipes for a whole life? I am photographing food and I have found that this is a great addition to writing down the recipe.

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  7. We just moved into a new home. It's my new beginning. One of the decisions that we made for the new home was to cancel our cable subscription. Granted I know, I can watch all the shows I love online; I can already feel myself losing interest in hunting down the shows to watch them, so my list is slowly dwindling down more. We are keeping the TV because we do like to watch movies together and we have a Wii that we like to play games on both, together and separate (majority are my husband's but he is really good at setting them aside when I want to spend time together).
    I want to thank you for this challenge. I'm a little behind due to moving this past week, but it has helped a lot. I can be a perfectionist and I had all these "green" plans for the new house that I was going insane trying to set up the house and implement the new practices. While I am trying to implement some of them or parts of them, I'm not beating myself up if I don't do it completely right or I throw away accidentally throw away some plastic. Baby steps.

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    1. Oh Kandi...I SO know what you are going through...with the move and perfectionism...be gentle with yourself, your new awarness and your new home...you are doing great with all the commitments and insights...you can always tweak it later...I can tell your home will be filled with what makes a house a home...an open and caring heart...
      Thanks for your comment it has provided a mirror for me to reflect on that ole nag of perfectionism which I continue to kick to the curb...: )
      Julia

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    2. New beginnings are so exciting, Kandi! Your comment made me wonder why is it that we as a species get so easily hooked on what's arguably good for us and then spend ages to wean off?

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  8. This one would be very hard for me! I LOVE TV shows - they are something my hubby and I do together. Being that we are not very out-doorsy, shows give us something to talk about and chat about. We do watch a lot of discovery and how things are made shows - so we learn a bit but we do watch fun shows as well.

    Anyway, that is amazing to give up TV when you have kids. That is really important because they learn from what is presented to them. Very cool to start them off at being less hooked on TV!

    Brandi

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Hi Brandi,
      I have removed my earlier comment as it seems to not be communicating what was intended. That said...anything I suggested was not offered in judgement but rather as possibilities. Which is the intent of both the story and simple living pledge. I hope no offence was taken.
      Julia

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    3. Brandi, I think that when it feels right it feels right. But you are right, what Julia did was the best thing a mother can do for her children and the only way to make sure they grow up people to make her proud. And from what I've read on her blog, she sure is proud of her children!

      Julia, your comment was lovely and you really shouldn't have deleted it! I was just in the middle of enjoying your wisdom and I am sure that Brandi appreciates it too.

      Your post is not judgmental, not at all, it does give quality possibilities and ideas for everyone and I am sure that all of us took something from it.

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  9. We have gone long stretches in our home without TV. We currently have one lovely large screen TV and enjoy it when we choose. We love movies ( which we carefully choose) and still have Family Movie Night on Fridays. But, we don't rely on TV to tell us how to live. We record what we want to watch or postpone and set time for that. And our T.V is never on during daytime hours. I got a great idea from this post though, I love the idea of it being off while dinner is being prepped! Our children are involved in outside clubs, music classes and sports, but it all works because we don't have to squeeze it in around TV or public school. Our lives are not rushed. Choosing to homeschool ( and living on one income ) eleven years ago has allowed us much more family time than most. And, it has taught us all lessons on living more simply and mindfully along the way. Love these daily thoughts on Simple Living!

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  10. PS. I also think that one persons simple can and should be quite different than the next. After all, we are all beautifully different and beautifully similar at the same time! To me, Living Simply also means leaving behind judgmental thoughts of others and accepting that they just do things differently.

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    1. I completely agree...I have removed my comment as it apparently was not communicating what was intended...what was intended was offering possibilities for exploration not making judgments. But...like any communication...it is open to misunderstanding. It was not my intent.
      Julia

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    2. No worries here Julia.Your words were an inspiration to me today. I'm LOVING the idea of no TV while I make dinner! :) I think it would solve the problem I have of having to coral my gang to help set the table and get drinks.

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    3. Julia, going through the comments today I felt so uplifted with the way you managed to instill excitement and discussion in all of us! You are not only a great writer but also an example to follow and I am very proud to have been able to offer a platform for your story!

      Since we started living in the forest I naturally have reduced TV hours because so very often I prefer to just open the door and listen to the birds. It seems like a complete waste of time to switch the TV on and be on the mercy of the national programs.

      I love the simple and slow lifestyle that is consciously employed by people who get rid of their TV sets. I hope some day we get brave enough to ditch our own!

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  11. Thank you for sharing this experience with us Julia! I am so glad that this choice was the one that made the difference for your family, strenghtening your bonds and commitments to your values. I think that is what we all strive for for ourselves and our families.

    I also totally agree with Deborah! Our goal for simple living is to find out what is keeping US personally from living simply. For you, Julia it was TV. For Melinda and Deborah, homeschooling. Sharing your stories here helps us all reflect, think about where we are, where we would rather be and finally, how to get there.

    I am not a banner. Technology, in any form, can keep us from interacting with each other, but so can books or sports or volonteering. If I feel neglected by my husband because he is doing x,y or z activity, the activities are the symptoms of a problem in our relationship not the cause.

    Changing our habits won't solve our problems, but it will free us to take time to think and make conscious choices to simplify our lives and be happier together.

    To Brandi, I have to say, if watching TV with your husband is a happy time for you, don't change that!

    Thanks again Julia for getting us all thinking!

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    1. Laurie,
      I couldn't say it better myself. (and obviously didn't)...so thank you for clarifying...I couldn't agree with you more.
      Julia

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    2. Oh, Julia. I never meant for you to delete your comments. They were clear. If we are afraid to write what we think, then there is no challenge. We need to be pushed to think about what keeps us tied to this crazy rat race and you are doing that beautifully!

      I hesitated to comment to Brandi, but I couldn't help myself. I have worked for 20 years in an unhealthy environment where colleagues judge everything from how we dress to what we eat for lunch. I think I am a little over sensitive because of that!

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    3. Lucky you...that you got out of the environment...I am still in it...and I too am very sensitive to both saying something that would be judgmental and in being judgmental. I would love to see a world where we as individuals were celebrated for who we are and our unique contributions...I too am sensitive...that is probably why I withdraw within myself. Knowing Sonya and with her support...I have tapped into one of the few ways I can communicate 'safely'...through my photos and the thoughts they evoke. Thanks for your words. Julia

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    4. You both are too precious! You both know so much and have so many advices and you both said it perfectly, one adding her story to the other and making this beautiful patchwork of friendliness and collaboration.

      I cherish your presence on the Kanelstrand blog and in the Simple Living Challenge.

      The Simple Living Challenge is exactly as Laurie put it, about finding out what' keeping us from being the better person. And in these discussions there is so much help!

      Thank you, both of you!

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    5. It's all thanks to you dear Sonya, for giving us the platform to share our ideas and the encouragement to follow our dreams. You are quite an extraordinary person! You help bring out the best in all of us!!

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    6. I'll second that! See comment below...

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    7. Thank you Laurie and Julia, you are incredible women whom I am thankful to know. It's not me, it's the combination of all of us, thats what I think. When like-minded people have a chance to communicate freely and openly, it is exactly this that happens - creativity, constructiveness and positivity spring to life.

      Thank you both for your efforts and presence!

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  12. Julia, Oh, I hope you ( or anyone else ) didn't think that I was implying any judging was going on here! To the contrary! I was just saying we all things do differently. I feel it's great to be supportive in everyone's efforts to simplify, no matter how they go about it! Not saying you or anyone else here was doing otherwise... I love your post and all the great comments and replies here today! So much to learn from everyone! Thank you all! Deb

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    1. Deb, you said it perfectly. We are all different but the virtues can be seen in all of us and they are all the same. Each person's differences help enhance the other like-minded people around him/her. We feed off our positivity and we learn from each other in a way that has never before been possible.

      Just think about the discussion we are having with opinions coming in literally from the whole world. I doubt there can be anything moreexciting than that!

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  13. I want specifically to thank Sonya...for encouraging me to submit something to the simple living challenge. I am generally a very private person. My big 'exposure' is my photo blog that I started last fall. Up until then...I didn't really get out much. I happened to be in Virginia at a writers retreat during the peak of the fall leaves and I couldn't believe the beauty. I was outside every day with my camera trying to capture the magic of nature rather than being in my room writing. I wanted to share what I was experiencing with someone. I tried to put into words what being out in nature evoked in me...questions, answers, awe, wonder, and wisdom. Parts of me started to surface like tiny air bubbles that had been trapped in mud. I began to see more clearly and exercise my voice. It is all so new to me...this 'exploring' my inner universe...during the process...I came across Sonya's blog...with her insight and technical skill she helped me launch my blog and in turn helped me find my voice. She has been encouraging, supportive, and wise. It does my heart good to see such ‘simple’ generosity in action.
    Thank you Sonja for hosting me and for your coaching and patient encouragement to share my photos and words; it has changed my life.
    Hugs,
    Julia

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    1. Dear Julia,
      Since I know that you are a private person, I deliberately entered this as your short bio in the beginning of the post. I waned the readers to feel the gist of you and to appreciate your character and I think they did.

      Your attitude to beauty not just of Nature but also the beauty of human relationship is striking and we should all learn from you. Your guest post is tremendous in its honesty, simplicity and human understanding. That is why I am proud to having been able to host your sharing.

      Truly, you are an inspiration to me! Thank you!

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  14. What a calm and peaceful way to live your life Julia. I personally don't watch much TV, I prefer to be crafty and listen to books. Late last year I stopped watching the news on TV, and I can't tell you what a difference that made in how I feel everyday. I occasionally read the news online, but it is nice to pick and choose the stories I want information on. Thanks for sharing your story!
    Valerie
    Everyday Inspired

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    1. Hi Valerie,
      Thank you for your kind observation. Other than my hectic busy schedule because of my job and teaching...my life really has pockets of calm and peace. It has gotten better with each new step towards simplicity. It really is the way to go in my opinion. Rather than react to life I am making the slow and deliberate steps to live more authentically...which by its nature...has led me to living more simply.
      Julia

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    2. Valerie, thank you for stopping by and sharing your view on watching TV. I am grateful to have you as a blogging friend and learn from you.

      Julia, the thing you mention, about not reacting to life impressed me a lot. You are so right (again), you made me remember the saying "What you resist persists" and reminded me that if we learn to embrace whatever life offers we will be strongest.

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  15. Dear Simple Living Readers,
    I just want to thank you for all the wonderful dialog today. It was informative for me on many levels. I will enjoy taking some time to visit all your blogs and enjoy what you are sharing.
    Thanks again for your input...and Sonya...you sweetheart...thank YOU for hosting this challenge.
    XXOO
    Julia

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  16. I think this is awesome! No tv here either.

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