26 January 2013

A Journey Out of My Comfort Zone - Day 3

I didn't think that trying to get out of my comfort zone will provoke emotions covering the whole spectrum. I was prepared to feel challenged. I knew I would face difficulties but that utter joy, the one that makes my eyes shine and my heart flutter and throb as fast as it can... that was a surprise.

When the time comes for piano playing I feel like a shy little girl, my hands start to shake and I can hear the pounding of my heart. And then the piano starts. It is a patient teacher and never gets angry but I am not sure how positive that is to me, because then I take the responsibility and start scolding myself for every mistake.

A passer-by would never think I am on a journey out of my comfort zone. What they would see is the smile on my face. I haven't looked at myself in the mirror but I know my cheeks get bright pink with excitement. And my eyes are shining. I feel so refreshed. My mind is busy with something completely unusual, an act of connecting to myself through music. My fingers, just like with knitting, are the connection between my soul and reality, between the inner and the outer.

The chords are coming out from beneath my fingers, one by one, different each time, insecure, too loud, too long, just like the stitches of wool in the beginning of my knitting journey. In fact I sometimes forget the original melody, this is how much I butcher it while trying to keep with it.

It is a rare occurrence in my life but for once I love the imperfection, it makes me feel more alive and forgiving. It is a sign that I am growing. Because as long as you have something to learn you are on the right track. 
I am trying to learn the basics. In fact, I think I am before the basics. And I am thankful to all of you who told me that an instructor is vital. I know you are right. But I also feel so challenged to fight this on my own. For as long as I can. Then I can move on to an instructor. Maybe one like Benjamin Zander.

Today, my husband sent this video to me. I love the gentle way in which he manages to feed my experimenting spirit and to expand my point of view.
"Arguably the most accessible communicator about classical music since Leonard Bernstein, Zander moves audiences with his unbridled passion and enthusiasm." Sue Fox, London Sunday Times
On this deliberate journey out of my comfort zone my eyes are shining. Get to the end of the video and you will know exactly what I mean.

Now tell me, what makes your eyes shine?

Follow the rest of my journey:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 4
Day 5